Where are you and I'm so sorry

I don't know why I'm suddenly missing you.

I got reminded about all this past stories about friendships when I was talking to S

I told him that we need to stop thinking abt the bad things in the friendships and focus on the good to move on

So that we don't harbour any hate. I don't hate you. But talking about the good times made me miss you

You gave me random gifts juz cuz you felt like it

You were the only person I could tell that I was falling for a guy

You were the one who cried when I injured myself, even when I didn't

You held my hand and allowed me to squeeze it tight whenever the pain got too much to bear

You were the one who rode in the ambulance with me and told me funny things so that I would take my mind off the pain.

You were the one who stayed over and helped me get up the stairs

You liked to dance. But you weren't really passionate about it

But you knew I was. And that made u support me all the way.

You were there for everyone of my dance performances, even when we weren't speaking

Because you knew it was the biggest contest of my life

You were the only one who didn't say "Its just a competition"when I cried when we got silver

You were the only one me and Sel complained about, only becuz we didn't dare admit that we missed u

You leaving my 18th birthday was the only thing that stood out in my mind despite all the good things that happened that day

You're the only one I bother ranting abt on the blog about so many times

Because you're a friend that I hated to lose, but you threw that away.

All those times that I hated him for coming into the picture

All those times that I said "All because he came and spoilt it"

It was all just distractions, just things I had to tell myself

Just the person I had to blame,

To keep me from facing the pain of the fact that you were the one who walked away

That the choice to leave was ultimately yours to make.

We've all done things we regret. And yes, I made mistakes too, for which I would always be sorry for

But the one thing that I can tell myself was that I fought for this friendship

The feeling just wasn't reciprocated.

S said "But so wad about the good memories. Doesn't make a difference anyways. She's still gone"

And I said "We need the good memories cuz one day, they would overshadow the bad and maybe we won't feel the pain anymore."

Is that really true? Cuz its been 2 years and everytime I think about how you threw your friends away

All of that pain juz comes back.

And no 4 year degree is ever gg to help to explain to me why I'm feeling this way for a person who juz had me as an option.

Someday, I'll believe in my own words.

That somehow when I think back on you

All that I would see will be good memories

But that someday's not today.

I miss you by Blink 182