Let's all celebrate and have a good time

Figures that the first time I write after a long time
Its because the year is ending.
But I feel like because we have a tendency to not appreciate a time or a moment when it happens, maybe its good to look back and realise that it wasn't all bad.


2011 was unique, to say the least
Ask me on a random day and I might say it hadn't been good.
Looking back now, 2011 was a year of bits and pieces

I learnt about pain and the hurt of losing people
I learnt about forgiveness and the power of friendships
I learnt the importance of letting go, and understanding that sometimes we don't always have everything in our control

I found myself again and my true passion for writing
I learnt to give back, to remember to appreciate people not just on their special days
I did crazy things this year, like chase a thunderstorm in the safari in South Africa, rode an ATV and got bitten by a skin-eating insect. 

I learnt about relationships, and despite everything, I wouldn't trade that experience for anything

I found myself falling in love, not with someone but with places and cultures
I've travelled alot, But this year, I fell in love with South Africa; a country I felt emotional leaving
A country that I found myself again, found that inner peace
The stillness and bravery within myself.

But I'm glad that something's don't change
Family
I've shared many a fun moments with my family
But this year, I felt the strength and the peace that comes with the support I get from them
I had many a shoulders to cry on but more than that, many a helping hand.
I've never felt more grateful for being born in this family

I'm not sure what 2012 holds.
And I don't want to make any resolutions.
But I know this much
If I'm surrounded by the amazing people I am surrounded with now, I'll be fine, no matter what happens
To all my friends this new year, I wish for you(&me) this:
I pray your dreams stay big and your worries stay small
I pray that in happiness, you share joy
I pray that in pain, you find strength
I hope you always forgive and never regret
I hope in silence you find contentment
I hope in life, you find love
Come what may, I say
Bring on 2012.
George Bernard Shaw once said, "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."
This year, I got both
If losing my heart's desire is tragic, I say show me pain
If gaining my heart's desire is tragic, I say
give me tragedy.


-Celebration by Kool & the Gang (only recently heard about his band. OTH mention!)-

When troubles come around I will come to you

Awesome weekend, esp sat
Probably the most fun day with my family
Even though all we did was stay home.
Spent the day playing Powerpuff Girls monopoly with the fam, got really competitive and hilarious
Then spent the afternoon watching Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna as a family.
Best part? We had a yoga and a workout session together. Family bonding for the win, indeed.
Then at night I spent it with my cousins and simon, got a chance to meet his gf(sorta gf?)
It was a good week if I say so myself.

Dance tomorrow!
Seems like every week the one thing I look forward to is dance practice.
Am really glad that we have practice sessions on mondays and fridays because I can't imagine a better way to jump start my day
Plus I get to see my girls. Definite plus.


Do you hate me that much?
Its been 3 weeks. and 0 news from you.
What sucks here is that I can't contact you
But you can.
I miss you
But you don't feel the same
This sucks.


-I'll be by Reba McEntire-

I've got, somewhere I belong

What do I need to do to show you I care?
Somehow I just have absolutely no idea what it takes to get you to see that.
Maybe it for the best.
For the best that I do things your way
Cuz I can pretty much predict that it won't work; I know how two ppl work
I know what it takes to make a friendship work, I know how friends tick
But you and I have two very different perspectives in that area.
Your belief is in the fact that somehow your feeling will go away by being away from me
Fine, we'll try your way but your way isn't it.
But I promised you that we'll do it your way this time
So here we go.

But I can feel the inevitable looming
I know for a fact that the next time we even talk won't be because you suddenly feel better
It'll be you telling me you met someone else
I'm pretty sure of that.
But I have to trust and believe in something
And that means that I trust and believe in me
That no matter what happens, whether it ends up the way I want it to or not,
I'm gonna be ok
And that I'm blessed with the amazing life that I have now
And none of that's gonna change

Ah well, enough of all of that.
Went out with Denise today
Oh I missed that girl.


note to self: edit music for dance prac
Ok, i'm rambling already
Off to read Ian McEwan's awesome novel "In between the Sheets"
Ciao peeps

-This is what dreams are made of by Hilary Duff-

Since I'm not your everything, how about I'll be nothing, nothing at all to you?

I have no idea where I stand with you
I feel like no matter the effort I put in
Its never gonna be enough
It goes both ways, you need to help me by throwing me a bone once in awhile
and not just expecting me to do the work all the time

I know, I get it, you feel different
But you were also the one who agreed to this,
Who said you wanted to try to be just friends
Or atleast not the way things are now
Is this what you do to a friend?

You say guys and girls are different with friends
Hah, imagine if you did this to your female friends
Oh wait, there are none are there? you ever wondered why?
If you intend to have any rlshp at all with me( and for godsake I didn't mean romantically)
Then man up!
Get you shit together and work with me
Cuz i'm getting sick of feeling like I'm a fool
Feeling like i'm being taken advantage of

I asked you straight up
What do you want me to do now?
And flat out you said
No calls, no sms, no meets
Basically you meant get lost.

So I'm hearing you loud and clear
You'll get exactly what you want.
So basically, ball's in your court.



đ έ ђ ι § έ ™ loves Maxi says:
 Gotta draw a line.
Aarthi says:
 cuz i just feel so freakin used. and that feeling is just hard to get rid off. and i think if he ever says "oh hey, the feeling's gone." i gotta see how that figures into all that i feel now.
 exactly you're right
 all the while since the breakup i've been so focused on everyone
 like his friends hate me or he feels so bad and i feel guilty about it. do his parents blame me etc etc

đ έ ђ ι § έ ™ loves Maxi says:

 Think abt urself
 A break up shd just invole 2 ppl
 U & him
 Unless there's kids
 Like I told u before
 Ure hurting too
 Not just him
 Take care

She's got a point. and all i needed was for someone to remind me of it.
so you got your life, I got mine.
And right now,
all i feel is used.
So when you do finally feel differently
we'll see where we are. I'm sick of worrying about the whole world
I wanna just focus on me for once

-Irreplaceable by Beyonce

That is what I do believe

I believe in following your heart
I believe in using your head


I believe in education and success
I believe in passion and drive


I believe in stability
I believe in risk-taking


I believe in honesty
I believe in secrecy


I believe in doing the right thing all the time
I believe in white lies


I believe in luck
I believe in making your own luck


I believe in fate 
I believe in writing your own destiny


I believe in hate
I believe in love


I believe in compromise 
I believe in sacrifice


I believe in families and friendships
I believe in solitude


I believe in marrying the one you love
I believe in falling in love after marriage


I believe in being with the one you love
I believe in loving the one you're with


I believe the natural order
I believe in equality for all


I believe in God and Faith
I believe in Science and Logic


I believe things I see and feel
I believe in the unexplainable


I believe in the good in people 
I believe the devil in them too


I believe in the power of music
I believe in the annoyance of noise


I believe in dreams
I believe in reality


I believe in rationality 
I believe that nothing is impossible


So what am I?
A woman of morals or a woman of spontaneity? 
A theist or a person of logic?
An equal rights activist or a believer in nature's way?
An extrovert or an introvert?


There is no need to pick a side
No black or white "right thing to do"
There is just beliefs. 
And there is no limit, no classification, no labels
But in the end, I truly believe in just one thing
I believe that I'm a believer

And isn't that all that matters?

-I believe by Yolanda Adams-

You should have listened, there is someone here inside

I'm moving I'm moving!!! :)
YESH!!!
Ok, so I wasn't that excited initially but I am now.
Parents just recently purchased a beautiful to-be-built condo called Blossom Residences.
And we have our unit and everything.

Its absolutely wonderful. Three bedrooms, 4bathrooms, a completely a/c house and a poolside view.
BEST! best part of it all, one of the bedrooms comes with its own attached bathroom and ENTRANCE
Like woah! Sis and I are still negotiating who gets that but I think she might want me to have it. Imagine the privacy! Its like having my own little house.

Most importantly i guess its nice to know that our travel and stuff is not affected.
Dad is amazing at financial planning and I think he has really thought this through.
I'm gonna miss Jurong though, all my awesome friends are here but I'm not that far off.
I'll be living in Bukit Panjang and its super close to the mrt so its still all good!
Ok, I have to be up for sch. I don't why I'm still rambling.

Anyways, met Denise for dinner today.
Ah, always a joy.
Its all cuz of her that "Listen" is stuck in my head

Ok, I'm off topic already. I need to sleep. Night world! :)

-Listen by Beyonce-

Thank God I dodged the bullet

What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)

There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I, must've been outta my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
So baby good lookin' out

[Chorus]
I wanted you bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had
I bet it sucks to be you right now

So sad, you're hurt
Boo hoo, oh, did you expect me to care?
You don't deserve my tears
I guess that's why they ain't there
When I think that there was a time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
Baby good lookin' out


[Chorus]
I wanted you bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
I said, you turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'll never be the best thing you never had
Oh baby I bet sucks to be you right now

I know you want me back
It's time to face the facts
That I'm the one that's got away
Lord knows that it would take another place, another time, another world, another life
Thank God I found the good in goodbye

[Chorus]
I used to want you so bad
I'm so through it that
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I will always be the, best thing you never had.
Best thing you never had!

I used to want you so bad
I'm so through it that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
Oh you turned out to be the best thing I never had
Oh I will never be the best thing you never had
Oh baby, I bet it sucks to be you right now

Goes around, comes back around
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now

**This song is starting to be the anthem of my life. Jeez. It eerily accurate how when you replied, the lyrics "Thank god I dodged the bullet" played right then. Freaky.I don't believe in coincidences. But I believe in karma. Hey, life goes on right? Nice to know that nothing's changed. I was right. 


You never changed. Never will**


-Best thing I Never Had by Beyonce-

And a day will come when the fight is won

Oh my god, I just realise how many posts are still unpublished.
Ah well I'll publish them when I have the mood
I promised myself that I would start writing again.
I'm losing my drive, I have to get it back.
The next great novel. HAHA. Ok, guess its always fun to aim high
Even if no one in the world reads it, I'll actually be really happy if it was just written for me.
And maybe a few of my family.
Dreams right?

I absolutely adore the quotes from OTH. One of the best ways to end season 6 was with this amazing saying. Its true. Believe that dreams come true everyday, because they do:)

Marvin "Mouth": Take a look at yourself in the mirror, who do you see looking back?
Haley: Is it the person you wanna be?
Dan: Or is there someone else you were meant to be, the person you should have been but fell short of.
Mia: Is someone telling you,you cant or you wont? Because you can.
Chase: Believe that love is out there.
Nathan: Believe that dreams come true everyday because they do.
Peyton: Sometimes happiness doesn't come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and from the quiet nobility of leading a good life.
Julian: Believe that dreams come true everyday because they do.
Brooke: Believe that dreams come true everyday because they do.
Peyton: So take a look in that mirror and reminds yourself to be happy, because you deserve to be. Believe that.
Lucas: And "Believe that dreams come true everyday, because they do"

<3<3<3 oth, they were a fantastic show. Anyways, I've been listening to alot of Kate Voegele recently. I heard about her first from OTH where she plays Mia but I'm hopeless addicted to her music now. The girl is talented like nobody's business.

I'm starting to like tons of tumblr posts. I keep coming across this amazing ones.
Tons of talk lately about finding "The One"
and finding that soulmate
I'm not sure how much I believe in those things
I believe that people do meet by chance, but how we make it work, depends on the effort we put into it.
Does luck and "soulmate" and fate have a say in it? Who knows, maybe eh?

-Lift me up by Kate Voegele

A different lover is not a sin

Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty this hatred. How did it find us, did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us that we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return but knowing some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name...is it your name? - Lucas Scott (One Tree Hill)


I read the blog post of an old friend recently and it got me thinking about the whole gay rights issue that has forever been an ongoing debate.


Don't get me wrong, I'm as straight as an arrow but yet I can see the plight of those who choose to love away from the norm. What exactly is wrong with that?  The idea that God or the universe made us a certain way and its the only way to live is absurd. We make our own choices in the world and while I'm not religious, I do believe that God gives us the chance to make that choice, be it right or wrong. The right to love someone, regardless of gender, is still a right. You can't beat the gay out of someone anymore than they can beat the ignorance out of u. 


I saw this in the words of a person struggling everyday, simply because of who he is:


"..while it was easy for me to come to terms with my sexuality, it took me a while before i opened up to people..... at times, even being in a setting of all gay people, i feel that i just have to conceal my sexuality. whatever my reason behind that, i have totally no idea. "


So stop the hate. It seems ridiculous that while we have more problems in the world like hunger and poverty, we add on to the hate by simply making a small issue even bigger. 

I love this: credits to tumblr.

-Born this way by Lady Gaga(no other song could have done this post justice)

We could have had it all

Back from the cruise!

I got a fab massage, jet-ski-ed, mini-golf-ed, and got myself a tan. ah, life is good. (My tan's gone though)

Completely relaxing and well-needed trip with the family. 

Don't really like cruises though... I realise I love my holidays where I'm exploring a country

I get bored easily. Cruise ships are fun for awhile but prob not something I wanna make a regular thing

I rather travel. Whoo. More fun! :)

though I have to admit, I missed my sister.

Weird going for a trip w/o her. She would have accompanied me on the rock-climbing wall. damn. 

Got pics! :)

Purely cam-whoring with my shades

My high-waist skirt is pure awesomeness!

Check out the water track left by the ship! so cool!

Sanjay jetskis off w/o me. That's me waiting for him to get back

lazy to post others. just gonna make a private album in fb.

Anyways, a weird idea 'bout guys and manners came up during the trip that got me thinking. We all talked about it and stuff. I guess it all started when we had this cruise night and it was "suit/tie and cocktail dresses" as the dress code. Other than the African Americans and the Whites and some of the other people there, so many people were so under-dressed. Saw a guy in a polo tee and jeans. Saw ladies who wore sundresses. COME ON! if you don't know the attire, google it! It makes you look so freakin' sloppy! Anyways, we had a conversation when we went for dinner at the fine dining restaurant on the ship called Romeo and Juliet and it all started when Shyam pulled out a chair for me to sit. Nothing new, he and his brother do it all the time when we;re out at a restaurant as a family. But it did get me thinking after seeing the polo tees and sun dresses.

(Cousin Shyam pulls out chair for me at the fine dining restaurant. both boys wait till I sit to sit)

Me: You know what, the whole world keeps saying Chivalry is dead. Esp in Singapore. But you guys prove them wrong!
Sanjay: Chivalry was never dead in Singapore. It never existed.
Me: ah true! how often is it that any guy who takes you out to dinner opens the door for you or pulls out the chair for you? I mean I'm not saying at burger king or sth you know. I meant like a restaurant.
Sanjay: Even if I dont have the chance to pull out a chair for a girl, I would atleast wait till she seats first. Its basic gentlemanliness
Me: Wah paerims, the boys are awesome man. Till today, cousin or friend, they have never failed to pull my chair out when we're going for dinner. Or even open doors.
Aunt: Really??
Me: Yep, gosh, rare guys!
Aunt: Good breeding, darling. Good breeding.

Fine dining etiquette was sth I learnt cuz I do it quite often with the family but even if one doesn't. Its probably important to learn. Its not about showing off or standing out. Its about not being sloppy and not messing with the integrity or location. Imagine you have a client when you grow up? you gotta learn which are the places and how to behave there anyways! Everything I learnt about right attitudes and ettiqute was from my family.....like my aunt properly put : Breeding. But you dont have to have learnt all this from family. Any decent guy who wants to take a girl out on a proper date at a restaurant...or simply wants to be a gentlemen shud prob know all this damn things. And ppl shudn't say SINGAPORE and use that as an exception. It makes us seem like we are people who are not rightly brought up and have no class.

Good breeding indeed. Why don't guys in Singapore actually bother? Its not about being classy or over the top or anything. Its simply being a gentleman. Simple things that you just gotta learn, whether u're gonna use it or not.

Learn how to open a wine bottle. A complete turn off when u share a wine bottle with your date and u have trouble opening the cork.

Learn the etiquette's of fine dining. Its bloody simple actually. Starters always start from the outside of the utensils then work your way in. Dessert utensils are usually on top. Food is generally served to all the ladies first. Works the same with the wine. Hold open the chair for a lady and push it in when she about to completely sit. Place the napkin on your nap(NOT AROUND YOUR NECK -_-)

Learn the etiquette of wine. Always hold a wine glass by the stem(drives me nuts when people hold the cup. There's a reason why ppl say to do this. It to prevent the heat from you hands from messing with the chilled wine.) Never chill red wine, though it ok to prob chill it abit(I like it a little chilled.) but always chill white. Red wine goes the more rounded glass, white in the slightly thinner. When you open the wine, you always smell the cork first, then do a taste with the wine(swirl lightly then taste). Only then do you pour the drink to the proper level.

Try to be nice: Hold open doors for people, offer to carry bags and always let a lady sit before you do. Its only simple courtesy.

Date Drinks: When you're on a date, and in a restaurant that is posh or sth and you order drinks for the table, ask the lady what she wants. If its a surprise or if you wanna take charge, always order wine! Don't be stupid and order a beer or hard liquor at a restaurant when your having dinner! Its stupid!

Its funny, I SHOULD'T HAVE TO BE BLOGGING ABOUT THIS. People should know. Every time I convince myself chivalry is dead is Singapore, ppl like my cousins prove me wrong. It says something. It means that it possible that ppl in spore can do this. They just don't want to.  Lazy bums is what I call them.

On a lighter note, its G's birthday! and his sister's too. Went to their 21st today. So here's a shoutout to the twins(esp g! can't help it la, i'm biased. hehe) 


Happy 21st birthday Ganesh!:)

-Rolling in the Deep by Adele(MY GOD, I love this woman!)-

And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair

Ah! so much to update. I've been slacking off.
Finals are up and I'm seriously running out of time. Gotta buck up!

Met up with my girls on sat! Yes, ladies night to celebrate van's Ms Vasantham and my exams and tasseh's love life. Awesome day:)
Then today(mon), I had an awesome gathering with my clique. Haresh, Jaya, Van, Tas and me. Oh, it was so good to see the guys again. They always bring the guys' insight that is always unique.
Can't wait to see them again for my birthday!!

Vanisha Rajendra, I am so freakin' proud of you. Winner or not, u went into this competition and you came out of it a winner nonetheless. You're a supermodel in my eyes.

I feel like sometimes when ure own you're own,you feel like u've become this different person
But come to think of it, I guess I have always been this person
I just changed or adjusted parts of myself when you're with someone else
Pretty normal right? When there's someone else in the picture, there's two sides to consider.
Nothing wrong with that.
But I definitely missed me.

I believe that if ure truely happy with someone, it'll show.
And people who see you will know.
You don't need PDA or endless texts or fb status and I-love-yous to show the rest of the world that you're in love
No matter the situation, I have always made sure that my personal life stayed out of public eye
Not because I don't trust anyone or anything
Just simply because I don't find the need to let the whole world know who i'm dating/talking about/ missing etc.
And its weird seeing you do that. Even if its simply a comment
Cuz that was incredibly childish of you
And your friends.
But who am I to comment right?
I just feel like you're being hypocritical. You say one thing to me and then I see you saying something else to your friends.
That's the difference between us. What I say to you and to them, is the same damn thing. Never lied to you in that aspect. Guess you didn't think to offer me the same courtesy.
Ah well, hey, one more reason right?
Life wasn't meant to be fair anyways.

Ok, I better get back to studying(or atleast attempting to study) and ace that paper. Ciao loves!

p.s. I am so obsessed with Get It Right. Lea Michele's voice is da bomb. She kills it!:)

-Get it Right by Lea Michele(Glee)-

Yes, an embarrassment, a living endorsement

And as part of stop embarrassing yourself, here's a little tip to all those who love annoying the rest of us with terrible english. and its getting annoying to hear this. while it might seem "singaporean" or "slinglish", there's nothing cool about terrible english. NOTHING. so give me, and everyone else who tries to understand you a break and pronounce the words right. I can't promise I can give an adequate meaning to all of the words but I'm sure you can find the words online if you want.

p.s. Edinburgh? is the capital of Scotland.and Tijuana is in Mexico 


Zoology- zoo-or-lo-gy
Tijuana- tee-yo-wanna
Film - fill-umm not filum!
Et cetera - follow the word! not EX-cetera
Cavalry- care-vel-ry
athlete - its only two syllables!! its ATH- LETE not ATH-THE-LETE
Arctic - Arc- tic
Antarctic(this one i have to admit, is hard)- Ant- arc-tic (NOT! An-tarc-tic) 
Alzheimer's disease - All-zhy-mers
affidavit - affi-david
Rendezvous - Ron-dey-vou

facade - Fur-saad
awry(away from the expected; unexpected) - a-rye

epitome(like at a high level)- a-pit-ta-me

edinburgh- eh-din-bur-rah

ethereal(for those who don't know, this means heavenly) - a-thee-ree-al

meme- meem

haphazard - hap-hazard(doesnt get more duh than this people)

facetious(basically means not seriously) - fur-see-cious

hyperbole- hi-per-ba-lee

colonel- cur-nel

boolean(some form of math i think? i can't recall) - boo-lee-an(seriously, another duh)

disheveled(just means messy)- dis-share-velled(no, did u GO to pri sch???!!)

-Embarrassment by Madness-

Watching, Waiting

I can't believe that in barely a couple of days, so much has happened.
Where do I even begin to describe??

My Story
I got shortlisted for A star's prestigious internship programme with the SICS Neurocognitive Development Centre.
And omg, I want that damn internship
I want it so so much that I'm gonna be so upset if I don't get it. Though the likelyhood of that happening is really high
So I dunno why I'm setting myself up for heartbreak. But I just know how much I want this. A chance at having a shot at a decent future. I'm not throwing that away


The Banu Story
So like after 2 yrs, we met banu, me and Sel.
And wow, was I shocked.
I had been dreading this for days, thought about cancelling
And boy, am I glad I didn't
For the second we met, I felt 16 all over again
We clicked just like that, the same way we did 2 yrs+ ago.
And damn, did I miss that girl...
I hadn't known how much till then. It felt like the old times, the threesome back together again
It was so easy talking to her, and I hadn't realised how easy it was to confide in her.
Best part, I missed how much fun we used to have
Such a great day. Loved it.
I'm so glad she reached out, I know, I know, baby steps.
But atleast one step's down.

But its a start:)


The Van Story
Prob the biggest break in her life. I can't believe she actually applied and did it.
And now our girl made it all the way.

Not sure if I should publish the good news here so I shall not,

But everyone would know it soon enough.

This is really exciting.

We'll be cheering you on all the way Poofie!:)

The Cousins(and Simon) story
I seriously think that i have some of my best conversations with these guys.
I look forward to every single outing I have with them
Its like, there are no judgements.
Say whatever you want and you shall be heard.
I love how the guys are so free with me
Saying fuck and talking about sex and porn
Honesty's freakin' refreshing.

-All the small things by Blink 182-

But I miss the conversation too

Round and round 
Just how much longer
on love's vicious merry-go-round?


You hurt, I cried
A fault of mine 
But don't you forget that even within all the anger you hide
Between anger and revenge is only a thin line


A never ending battle of tears
But was it all worth it?
Apart it hurt but together it also seared
There just had to come a day when the two halves no longer fit


Time and tide waits for no man
And that my dear, is a saying so true
Who knew, that here's where we'd stand
From the day with the hearts of red and roses all blue


Those memories- they seem so far away but are ever so close
you said I forgot, guess this time its you
and one day you'll see, a romance meant for prose
A girl, afraid of love that she broke down walls only for few
And the man who made her fall, deeper than she's ever had
But that girl survives, that girl defends
Playing his game, even if it hurt so bad


but the truth I have found
and this time the game ends- 
Round and round

The second I think we're working something out
Or atleast attempting to be as normal as possible
And that there's a chance for redemption
That maybe,just maybe, we might actually be able to talk
like we used to before and hopefully salvage a part of it
you say something that screws it all up.
Mixed signals much?
You made your move
Now I make mine
I give up. I honestly give up.

-How do you sleep by Jesse McCartney-

What makes her your every dream and fantasy

Jealousy,
Before you entered
Into my life,
I was the world's
Richest prince.
Now that you are in me
And I am for you,
I have become
The poorest street-beggar.

Jealousy,
You are my constant
Nightmare-mind.
You are my constant
Love-absence-heart.

Shortest is the distance
From jealousy to hell.

Jealousy,
You are your own
Ultimate
Self-destructive-indulgence.

-When it was me by Paula DeAnda-

Keep telling me I'm on my own

I guess I'm starting to worry people.
Which I initially couldn't see why
I was doing fine. Or atleast as fine as I thought I could be
I'm finally starting to accept everything and just start going with the flow with life
But apparently some think I'm still not over what happened.
Guess when I see in from an outside point of view it makes sense

I go days where I've only eaten one meal. Sometimes I miss meals altogether.
I have been sleeping barely 3 hours per day for the last 2.5 weeks already.
When I'm not busy in school, I'm mostly cooped up at home.
I spend some time with friends outside and the rest at the gym.
But honestly, I feel fine.
I know I'm not depressed or anything but maybe subconsciously I might be
I didn't even realise I was doing this to myself until my mom and friend pointed it out to me

I have gotta start taking better care of myself.

I feel like I'm finding new things about myself everyday.
For a girl who hates reality tv, I sure have taken a liking to the Bachelorette
Gotten hooked to How I met Your Mother
Its like I need to remind myself that true love exists
 I maybe a cynic at times
But I know someday i'll believe it. Or believe in happily-ever-afters

It still feels hard writing this. 
cuz i know there's a chance you'll read it
and that means i would actually have to explain why i'm even writing to you in the first place
Guess I miss you.
I know you're on the search to find some sorta meaning behind everything so that when you 
do come back, you and I can finally be able to go back to the way it used to be
Prob is, each day that you don't come back, is one less day of confidence I have
one less day of confidence that you will come back.
If ever. 


-Don't forget to remember me by Carrie Underwood-

And when you're not with

I miss talking to you.
I really do
And I was so happy that you came back as quickly as you do.
but for some reason when we actually do talk.
it leads to nothing but a fight.
Its getting pretty crazy. I feel like i'm back to those few weeks towards the end again
The few weeks where we did nothing but fight and fight and fight.
This is seriously getting out of hand.
I want to keep talking to you but when I do, there's a fight?
What do I do now?
Ah fuck.(yeah i know, i don't curse. but the situation calls for it.)


-You're so vain by Carly Simon-

Now I ain’t leaving till I hear you say what’s going on

So I went out with Shawn today.
First time in a long time that I actually laughed and smiled(for real i mean, not the fake smiles you put up so your friends tell you to quit being 'emo')
Felt good, to get some distraction from all thats been going on.
I know i'm whining on this blog alot about the same issue but its my damn blog so i'll whine as much as i want.

This is so freakin' hard. I know I keep saying it. Doesn't change how hard it is though.
I piled myself with things to do in school though. I just gotta hold on till mon.
Then I have PFOC comm, my volunteer work at the youth centre, studies and hopefully a little exchange.
Gosh, sounds crazy but i need something to get my mind off things.
Work does wonders sometimes.
If all else fails and i'm single for life, I'm so gonna be a career woman. Who said work doesn't solve problems huh? Ah well. whatever.

Shawn. What can I say, that boy knows how to make me laugh all the time.
Missed hanging out with him so much.
Had a really impromptu day, kept changing plans and suddenly out of the blue we decided on random places.
Went to the Flyer. First time for both of us but he had a 1-for-1 ticket which was cool.
He wanted to take me to the skypark but in the end we settled for a heart-to-heart near the seaside.

This is so random but HELLO Matt Bomer, you smokin' hunk of love! Seriously, God MUST
have been in a good mood when he made him. Just look at him. He can turn straight
guys gay. 

I hope one day you'll read this
I just wanted to say that I hope one day you can come back to me
And that somehow, somewhere, we'll find a way to salvage what's left.
It meant too much to let it go completely. 
It would all go to waste. 

-Someone Else Calling You Baby by Luke Bryan-

I just drink a little bit of happiness

Guess one good came from the time sacrifices I made
My Sem 1 results came out today:

B+   HH101 -  my history module
A-   HL808 - my lit(magical realism) module
A-   HP101 - my intro to psych module
A-   HW101 - my craft of writing module
D+  HP102 - my stats for psych module

GPA of a 3.8. i'm very very happy. better results than i expected so i'm proud of myself.
I knew i would screw up stats anyways. oh well.
The one good thing i guess.
Have to hold on to this happiness.

Hopefully it stands.

-A little bit of happiness by Ove Stoylen-

Honestly tell me that it's over

I wish I had words to say that would somehow make this easy
For me
And for you.

I still love you.
So damn freakin' much that it hurts.
How many times have I felt that need to just run back into your arms,cry and tell you I'm sorry and am wrong
But I know I am not
Its for the best
My head knows it
My heart just ain't ready to accept it.

-Over by Lindsay Lohan- (Suddenly all the love songs in the world and the heartbroken songs all start making sense)