Keep telling me I'm on my own

I guess I'm starting to worry people.
Which I initially couldn't see why
I was doing fine. Or atleast as fine as I thought I could be
I'm finally starting to accept everything and just start going with the flow with life
But apparently some think I'm still not over what happened.
Guess when I see in from an outside point of view it makes sense

I go days where I've only eaten one meal. Sometimes I miss meals altogether.
I have been sleeping barely 3 hours per day for the last 2.5 weeks already.
When I'm not busy in school, I'm mostly cooped up at home.
I spend some time with friends outside and the rest at the gym.
But honestly, I feel fine.
I know I'm not depressed or anything but maybe subconsciously I might be
I didn't even realise I was doing this to myself until my mom and friend pointed it out to me

I have gotta start taking better care of myself.

I feel like I'm finding new things about myself everyday.
For a girl who hates reality tv, I sure have taken a liking to the Bachelorette
Gotten hooked to How I met Your Mother
Its like I need to remind myself that true love exists
 I maybe a cynic at times
But I know someday i'll believe it. Or believe in happily-ever-afters

It still feels hard writing this. 
cuz i know there's a chance you'll read it
and that means i would actually have to explain why i'm even writing to you in the first place
Guess I miss you.
I know you're on the search to find some sorta meaning behind everything so that when you 
do come back, you and I can finally be able to go back to the way it used to be
Prob is, each day that you don't come back, is one less day of confidence I have
one less day of confidence that you will come back.
If ever. 


-Don't forget to remember me by Carrie Underwood-

And when you're not with

I miss talking to you.
I really do
And I was so happy that you came back as quickly as you do.
but for some reason when we actually do talk.
it leads to nothing but a fight.
Its getting pretty crazy. I feel like i'm back to those few weeks towards the end again
The few weeks where we did nothing but fight and fight and fight.
This is seriously getting out of hand.
I want to keep talking to you but when I do, there's a fight?
What do I do now?
Ah fuck.(yeah i know, i don't curse. but the situation calls for it.)


-You're so vain by Carly Simon-

Now I ain’t leaving till I hear you say what’s going on

So I went out with Shawn today.
First time in a long time that I actually laughed and smiled(for real i mean, not the fake smiles you put up so your friends tell you to quit being 'emo')
Felt good, to get some distraction from all thats been going on.
I know i'm whining on this blog alot about the same issue but its my damn blog so i'll whine as much as i want.

This is so freakin' hard. I know I keep saying it. Doesn't change how hard it is though.
I piled myself with things to do in school though. I just gotta hold on till mon.
Then I have PFOC comm, my volunteer work at the youth centre, studies and hopefully a little exchange.
Gosh, sounds crazy but i need something to get my mind off things.
Work does wonders sometimes.
If all else fails and i'm single for life, I'm so gonna be a career woman. Who said work doesn't solve problems huh? Ah well. whatever.

Shawn. What can I say, that boy knows how to make me laugh all the time.
Missed hanging out with him so much.
Had a really impromptu day, kept changing plans and suddenly out of the blue we decided on random places.
Went to the Flyer. First time for both of us but he had a 1-for-1 ticket which was cool.
He wanted to take me to the skypark but in the end we settled for a heart-to-heart near the seaside.

This is so random but HELLO Matt Bomer, you smokin' hunk of love! Seriously, God MUST
have been in a good mood when he made him. Just look at him. He can turn straight
guys gay. 

I hope one day you'll read this
I just wanted to say that I hope one day you can come back to me
And that somehow, somewhere, we'll find a way to salvage what's left.
It meant too much to let it go completely. 
It would all go to waste. 

-Someone Else Calling You Baby by Luke Bryan-

I just drink a little bit of happiness

Guess one good came from the time sacrifices I made
My Sem 1 results came out today:

B+   HH101 -  my history module
A-   HL808 - my lit(magical realism) module
A-   HP101 - my intro to psych module
A-   HW101 - my craft of writing module
D+  HP102 - my stats for psych module

GPA of a 3.8. i'm very very happy. better results than i expected so i'm proud of myself.
I knew i would screw up stats anyways. oh well.
The one good thing i guess.
Have to hold on to this happiness.

Hopefully it stands.

-A little bit of happiness by Ove Stoylen-

Honestly tell me that it's over

I wish I had words to say that would somehow make this easy
For me
And for you.

I still love you.
So damn freakin' much that it hurts.
How many times have I felt that need to just run back into your arms,cry and tell you I'm sorry and am wrong
But I know I am not
Its for the best
My head knows it
My heart just ain't ready to accept it.

-Over by Lindsay Lohan- (Suddenly all the love songs in the world and the heartbroken songs all start making sense)

Someday

Someday, I'm gonna write that book

Someday.

Ink and paper are sometimes passionate lovers, oftentimes brother and sister, and occasionally mortal enemies.  ~Terri Guillemets


Someday, I will understand by Britney Spears

But Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to the one and only SELENA PRIYA KUMARI!
P.S. It sucks that you have exams this week and we can't have a full on celeb but! we shall def have a good one next sat, so be prepared!:)

Ah sel, why you sweet!
"Aarthi's constant utterance of 'you are coming!' and wah she always helps me man. When I told her I couldn't understand the bidding system, she asked me to send her the information so that she can teach me!"

Lol, anyways missy, I just wanted to tell you I miss our gossip sessions!
I have to say a huge part of my inspiration as a psych major is you.
You always analyse things with me, and always have sound arguments with me that I have so much fun in a debate about things with you.
And YES, someday we shall work together!
And the person who tells it to my face when I'm wrong(esp in my relationship)
Never change ok! The world needs you EXACTLY the way you are.

Thanks for just being an amazing friend:)
I miss you! So i cannot wait to see you on deepavali and on your birthday celeb.
Trust me, you gonna love me(as if you already don't)
And by hook or by crook I'm dragging you on a trip together with me so get ready!

Wishing you the happiest 19th you can ever have(even though you're stuck doing multiple papers)
LOVE YOU !
-Happy birthday by Click Five-